As if you needed any more reason to dress up in a Santa suit, get drunk, and parade around the city during the holidays; now (*sing it with me!) SantaCon is comin’ to town! That’s right! The San Francisco SantaCon “parade” is hitting the streets of San Francisco for a day of drunken merriment and holiday cheer. Anyone is FREE to participate. Just be sure you follow the guidelines set forth below by the Santa Association of Parading Santas Around San Francisco Looking to Have a Good Time and Get Drunk Foundation. Also known as SAPSASFLHGTGDF.

SANTACON GUIDELINES:

1. Santa does not make children cry. Really, if you see kids,
   don’t do anything to freak them out. Give them a nice smile and possibly a gift
   of some kind (toys, candy etc). Parents and tourists are a different matter
   altogether – adjust based on their attitude.
   
2. Santa dresses for all occasions. It’s December. Smart santas
   wear multiple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing
   Christmas carols in the snow, or swinging from a stripper pole in a hot
   nightclub.
   
3. Santa doesn’t whine! We will be outside a lot and commuting
   mainly on foot – bring enough “snacks” to keep your pie-hole filled until we get
   indoors.
   
4. Bring gifts: NAUGHTY gifts to give grown ups; NICE stuff to
   give kids. Throwing coal at people is discouraged no matter who they are. YES
   THAT INCLUDES POLITICIANS. But giving out coal might actually be appreciated.
   
5. Watching santa get drunk and rowdy is fun. Babysitting santa
   while he vomits in an alley is not. Don’t be that santa.
   
6. Make sure you always pay for your beer and tip the bar staff.
   We want to be able to do this again so be polite and cultivate the goodwill of
   the local community.
   
7. Please pay for your drinks as soon as you get them. Santas
   get tired of waiting on other santas to clear their tab before being able to
   move on. This entire adventure should be cash only.
   
8. “No santa’s left behind!” – Don’t think only of #1. Santa is
   not inconsiderate of his fellow santas like that. Pick a few people you know and
   keep an eye out for them when it’s time to move to the next location. If you
   don’t see them, speak up so other santas know to wait a moment. Every santa
   should have at least 2-3 other santas they look out for and 2-3 that look out
   for them in turn.
   
9. Stay with the group. It’s not just a case of “the more, the
   merrier” – Santa is safer with large numbers of fellow santas and what one santa
   can’t achieve (or get away with) is a possibility for 50 or more!
   
10. Dress up! You don’t have to dress exactly like Santa proper.
    In fact, unusual interpretations of Santa-ness are much appreciated, both by
    those we bring joy to – as well as your fellow santarchists! Elves, reindeer
    themes etc. are fine as well!
    
11. Please remember that this is all about having fun. Most
    santas like to take their fun with a little alcohol which is fine. What is not
    fine, however, is getting completely sh#t-faced to the point that santas end up
    being abusive or violent. Remember that there is no “bail fund” for incarcerated
    santas and if you cross the line you’ll be on your own.
    
12. Santa doesn’t drink & drive and neither should you. If
    you’re going to drink you must make sure that you can get safely home without
    driving yourself. Check public transport, carpool with a designated sober
    driver, make arrangements to sleep over at someone’s place etc. Organizers
    sometimes try to coordinate transportation to get santas safely home. Check the
    message boards and groups for your local SantaCon to find out if this is being
    done in your area.
    
13. You MUST address everyone as “Santa.”
    
14. You SHOULD “ho-ho-ho” like Santa.
    
15. You OUGHT to give out gifts like Santa.
    
16. You MIGHT want to drink like Santa
    
17. Santa doesn’t talk to the press. Even “Ho-ho-ho” is too
    dangerous these days.
    
18. Santa doesn’t get arrested – please read Santa’s “four class=fk>f**ks” (top right) and then read these guidelines one more time.

19. If you have reached this rule, it means you didn’t get locked
    into a loop reading the guidelines over and over again as per the previous rule.
    You are therefore intelligent enough to take part in SantaCon!
    
20. Have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Am I gonna be there! You betcha! Try and find me!

[img and content]